Friday, July 12, 2013

a big unravelling sigh

Ok so this is how it went down. I started by editing what I wrote yesterday. And then I got an email from my supervisor who had read the first 3000 or so words of it and had great feedback for me. My mind didn't clear then, but grew more waterlogged with what needs to happen, essential steps to get this chapter done but oh! All of these dot points clattered densely on top of each other as I ground to a stop.

Tired. Hungry. And despite my beautiful surrounds, suddenly over it. Went and got lunch and mysteriously felt more irritable after than I did before (I thought I had just been suffering from 'hanger' but apparently not?) Got back to 'my' desk, to the book I had told myself I would read after lunch (semiotics, urgh)– not. into. it. Not just not into the Eco (oops, sorry Umberto fans) but all of it. All of it. The chapter, which I actually do really want to do justice to (in my head, no-one else cares as deeply as I do about how my readership chapter is written!) but the thought of reworking Part Two like I know I need to in order to make the ideas clearer and less about me (my main methodology there is auto-ethnography, interesting but tricky as to write, I find), and to bulk up the theory in Part One and then do something with Part Three (aka write it)- oh, don't make me!

So I went home. To bed. And I read a bit more of Anne Goldsworthy's most excellent Quarterly Essay 'Unfinished Business: Sex, Freedom and Misogyny' (women of Australia, read it, men of Australia, read it) and then had a lovely dinner with mum and dad who brought me back to life and so here I am, writing this weird productive/stymied day out of my system.

Tomorrow will be a day off before getting back on a plane and get back to the ARC and back to the grindstone on Sunday. And I know eventually it will flow and I will tweet happy tweets all up in your face but today... today was just... you know? One of those days.

ps. in other news, still not over this old Jil Sander ad. Still not over the turtleneck predilection but yet to find the perfect black one- a good basic is hard to find. But have worn the same striped bassike long-sleeve t-shirt + Ann D black wrap skirt over faded grey jeans + black boots combo for three days running now. Signature look or end-of-candidature PhD student? Who even knows anymore?!

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