Monday, January 31, 2011

I hardly knew myself

don't stop //don't break // you can delight because you have a place

A bit chaotic, my thoughts right now. A big decision that I'm not ready to share looms large, weighs my thoughts, and pulls me back and forth. I'm trying to balance an unknown future with an inextricable present, testing the unknown armed with what wisdom I can muster and a great deal of uncertainty. I am thankful at times like these for instincts, for close friends who know me so well, and for prayer. 

And yet at the same time I find myself thriving with ideas, exploding with thoughts that cram around me, pushing me with the palms of their hands, drawing my hair aside to whisper in my ear and elbow their way into my everyday. The sensuality of embodiment, the possibilities of living online and of that being an authentic realisation of selfhood; the doors of the cage I found myself in have been torn open and like some brilliant coloured bird I fly out, I find myself ecstatic as I roam amongst lush realities, amongst tangible imaginations. 

My words can scarecely keep up with this multitude of thoughts and I sing, I can't stop singing, and Word documents litter my desktop like hasty scraps of paper. There is a release in this writing, a year of pent-up, almost-there-but-not-quite realisations. 
I have burst into life. 

I would ask for your forgiveness for my unforgivable poeticism but only poetry can capture this rapture (rhyme. Tick that box. You could play find-a-trope with this post if you like. Two points for alliteration, half a point each for metaphor and simile (I use both a lot, thus they are worth less in this little game.) 
I could ask for your forgiveness but I won't, because it's in times like these that I breathe only through poetry and I won't apologise for it. I won't apologise for being an unbridled romantic nor for the intoxicating sensuality I experience in words as they crowd around me. No, never.

It's actually wonderful- come join me here.

lyrics- Majesty Snowbird, Sufjan Stevens
image- Tony and Ieva, Russh

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